I’m home sick today with some sort of sinus thing, which I hope will be improved with the medications my doctor has prescribed. I’m also still struggling with a friendship that I just lost, that I am trying to process and get over. So the topic of comfort is quite apt for this day. I’m on cold meds and klonopin today, so bear with me if this post is a little more spacey than others.
One thing that I have realized with current struggles that I have been going through is that when I am in a situation where I am filled with uncertainty, I feel out of control and this triggers a sort of panic within me, and I feel like I have to act to do something to alleviate the discomfort of uncertainty and to feel like I have control over the situation, whatever it is. This often leads me to make ill considered decisions that may not be good in the long term, or at the very least, will cause more drama. As a type-A control freak, trying to tamp down this compulsion is extremely difficult. Meditation helps, but only if I am mindful enough to do this before the compulsion to act takes over. I’m trying to teach myself to slow down, and to write or talk to a friend or meditate or anything I can to become more reasoned and to take deliberate actions. I’d say this is slow going at best.
When I seek comfort, the things that I think of are:
- My bed: When I am sick or overwhelmed, all I want to do is hide and sleep. This is a good thing to a point, but after a while, it can be damaging.
- Food: I crave carbs and cheese. I try not to get into the habit of eating my feelings, but when I am sick, or mentally not so good, certain foods just taste like comfort. When I am sick, chicken dumpling soup tastes like healing. A big bowl of pasta is my number one emotional comfort food. Pasta is a food hug, and I love it. Warm homemade bread.
- Music: Music touches deep parts of my soul that I cannot quite describe. At times, it opens the flood gates when I need to cry, or soothes my troubled soul.
- Writing: It feels good to write out complex or painful or confusing things. It helps me process what is emotional, maybe irrational, and what is my truth. It helps me wrap my brain around what feels overwhelming, and then it usually feels less scary. And if I need to share it with someone, I can do that in a more organized way that gets my real point across.
- Coffee: I adore coffee. ’nuff said. Tea too. Especially lapsang souchong tea.
- Soft things- blankets, soft clothing, my dog, hugs. These things feel like comfort.
- Chemicals: At times, a few drinks or a toke helps because it turns down the noise in my brain. however, I tend to pay the price for this, so this is not one that I turn to very often. Also, since there is a history of chemical abuse in my family, I am scared of getting anywhere near that place. I have seen the pain it can cause, and I have too much to lose. And i’m getting too damn old for hangovers.
- The Golden Girls: this is my favorite show of all time. If I am not okay in any sense, watching this show always makes me feel a little better. I adore it.
What comforts you?