NaBloPoMo#24: Secrets

I’m not known for being an overly secretive person. Part of my growth has been to work on acceptance of myself and others, and to reject shame. I also find that sharing the less than perfect parts of myself has been a way that I have made deep connections with others. But there are parts of myself I don’t like sharing. Some of these are:

  • I’m passively suicidal on a fairly consistent basis. Like I don’t always care if I wake up, but I am not actively planning anything. Its a product of my mental illness and I have safety plans in place for times where its more than passive.
  • I question my career choice on the regular. There are things that I love about it, but there are an equal number of things that I hate about it. I am not one of those people who are so, {insert mocking voice} passionate about the law, and justice, and are just OH SO SURE that they are going to change the world. Most of the time, I am trying to treat people decent, do a good job, and go home. I do not find my meaning and worth in my job. It’s a job.
  • I am not as strong as I would like people to believe. I am anxious and scared a lot, and I am more vulnerable to being hurt than I want to be.
  • I wish it could be christmas time all year. Its one of the few times in a year I feel real joy.

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